Holy crap. Who said my kids could just keep getting older? On a serious note, Hayden is my 31 week preemie. If you would like to read her traumatic premature birth story you can by clicking here. Lets dive in.
This little brat is walking, talking full sentences, has a full-blown teenage attitude, and no longer needs her glasses. She is a whopping 24 pounds (which is still small but perfect for her history). We recently found out she LOVES the water. So now this momma is even more nervous around bodies of water. The boys never were into the water like Hayden.
How does her birth affect me?
I know a lot of NICU mom’s who are consumed by the fact that they had a child in the NICU. Don’t get me wrong it is terrifying, it is devastating, and it is overwhelming. But, I also don’t think about it every day. Now that Hayden is 2, I think about the fact that she is a preemie maybe once every few months.
I do have a really hard time on her birthdays though. That is when I allow myself to feel everything. The pain, the memories, the late nights I stayed awake crying, walking out of the hospital multiple times a day for 47 days without a baby to take home, being so far away from family, and having to stay at the Ronald McDonald house. I allow it to consume me on Febuary 14th of every year. Valentines day just will never be the same to me. This year on her birthday Tyler and I decided to go on a road trip. We were unaware of where we would end up but I needed to get out of the house. We ended up in Albuquerque. A way we had never gone. We just kept driving and before we knew it, we were at Presybterian hospital (the hospital Hayden was born in and stayed in for 47 days). We took an elevator ride and went to the NICU. I got a few pictures of Hayden and we left. I cried the whole way home and poor Tyler just said “I understand and it is okay to not be so strong all the time”.
Like I mentioned earlier she no longer needs glasses! Her heart murmur has completely healed itself and her brain bleed she was born with isn’t showing any lasting effects. We will know more about the effects of her brain bleed once she hits about 5-7 years old.
My two oldest boys are inseparable and I thought that was just because they were two years apart and boys. However, as of late my kids have been three peas in a pod. The do EVERYTHING together and the older boys are constantly helping their sister to learn and grow. They are teaching her things and explaining things as if she is a five year old. My six year old just taught Hayden to count to 3. I am one lucky mom to have kids that are so kind and loving to one another. They still have their moments of anger and frustation toward one another, but they really are best friends.
Do I want more kids?
If you are unaware, at the young age of 22 I decided to get my tubes tied. You can read about that here. After the NICU stay and three rough pregnancies I decided I wanted no more children. I didn’t want to go through the whole ordeal again. Do I regret the surgery? No. Do I want to get it reversed? It is a possibility. Who knows. I’ve always wanted a large family and I dont feel as if we are “done”, but there are several options we are discussing. Surrogacy, adoption, and getting my tubal reversed. I’ll keep ya’llposted.